Something about me the real person.

I should really apologise to anyone who’s reading this because there’s not a lot to say here. I really am the most incredibly boring person in my private life.

I was born and bred in the Black Country (in the Midlands, in the UK), but have lived in a few places in the UK and now live in Hampshire. I watch a bit of TV but not too much. I do a bit of exercise but not too much – walking, rowing, swimming, gym. I used to jog but my knees told me to stop some time ago. I keep telling them I used to play football ten hours a day when I was a kid but they don’t listen (I think they’ve gone a bit deaf). I also used to love cycling around the local country lanes, but a recent accident put paid to that.

You still reading? Okay, I’ll carry on.

I like watching a bit of football. I never used to like cats but now I love them and couldn’t imagine life without at least one. Exhibits A and B:


I like the countryside and wildlife – the latter being a big concern of mine. I’m a would-be car nut – sometimes I think I’m a frustrated car salesman – but strangely I don’t dream of owning exotic sports cars. I like music – I have pretty eclectic tastes but have a soft spot for sixties and seventies heavy rock and progressive rock. Of course I love watching films and quite enjoy reading. More than anything else I love my wife of many, many years.

Still reading? God, you’re as bad as I am.

I have two science and technology degrees, have always worked full-time in the engineering industry, and have also spent long periods of my life doing major DIY projects in the evenings and weekends, including plumbing, rewiring, plastering and brickwork. And, of course, lots of gratuitous drilling, grinding and smashing stuff up. I installed the whole central heating system in our current house (including a new boiler in a new location) while the existing one was still functional. Yes, we actually had two separate systems in at the same time. Exciting, yeah? Oh, please yourself.

Oh, come on. If you don’t stop reading soon I’m just going to start making stuff up.

Long, long ago in my schooldays I was pretty good at sport – especially football, and the first thing I can remember wanting to be was a professional footballer, but I’m starting to give up on that particular dream.

The second thing I wanted to be was a rock guitarist. I tried learning to play the guitar twice and was completely useless at it. I do, however, still play air guitar to a pretty high standard (don’t laugh; I’m grade 4). I’ve never really wanted to be anything else since then (apart from better-looking, richer, fitter, more eloquent etc. etc.) Of course, now I want to be a successful writer. Not (particularly) rich – just successful.

When I get spare time my hobbies include tattooing herons, eating sandstone omelettes underwater and wallpapering the insides of fuel tanks.

I did warn you. One of those three things is untrue.

Oh, and exhibit C especially for people who don’t like the idea of animals being dressed up as humans:

Merry Christmas

(No animals were harmed during the making of this website – at least, not physically)